Seek Healthy Connections, Not Parasocial Relationships

Many believe parasocial relationships relieve loneliness. Ironically, they only further it.

If you’ve been a fan of something or someone, you may have been in parasocial relationships (PSRs). While the concept isn’t a novelty, it has become more popular thanks to the internet and social media.

These relationships aren’t just limited to fandoms. It seeps over into romantic prospects as well. As people look for potential partners, some fixate on matches to the point of borderline obsession.

There’s nothing wrong with being deeply invested in somebody or something. However, it’s concerning when that investment becomes the center of your life. And with that, let’s discuss why these relationships are too close for comfort.

Defining a Parasocial Relationship

A parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship where one party isn’t aware of the other’s existence. Typical examples include fans loving celebrities or fictional characters.

However, as the introduction mentions, these relationships don’t stop at public figures. They exist between real, ordinary people, too. For example, a man spotted a potential match in a Craigslist Bangkok personal ad. When he read that ad, he hadn’t thought of anything else, revolving his life around that potential when they hadn’t even interacted.

Per a National Geographic piece, psychologists first conducted examinations of these relationships in the 50s. They tried to understand viewers’ reactions to hosts, MCs, and TV personalities speaking to audiences directly from the screens.

At that time, this was an unfamiliar concept. Some were concerned that viewers couldn’t differentiate their relationships with those personalities and other people.

In a 1956 paper, sociologists Richard Horton and Donald Wohl made a lengthy discussion about this, coining the phrase “parasocial interaction,” which we’ll elaborate on in the next section.

How Do These Relationships Work?

Like most relationships, parasocial ones start with an encounter. Here’s an example:

You’re viewing a movie, TV show, or an actor’s online feed. You feel connected with them after seeing them go through a similar experience or saying a relatable thought. This makes you imagine interactions with that performer—a parasocial interaction. A relationship develops as you consume more of that actor’s work.

Types of Parasocial Relationships

Did you know there’s more than one type of parasocial relationship? Let’s go through each form in more detail:

Entertainment-Social

Parasocial relationships with celebrities are arguably among the most famous experiences.

It’s no surprise that many people view public figures as a source of entertainment and a fun subject in casual conversations. You can often see such amusement through fandoms and online communities, which show no signs of stopping.

This relationship type can serve as your bridge to real-life connections as you interact with fellow fans.

And with that, there’s some good in these parasocial interactions. You can gain a sense of belongingness and community, which reduces your loneliness.

Don’t let parasocial interactions run your life. Open yourself to real, better experiences.

Intense-Personal

If the first kind appears wholesome, this one is a little more intense.

An intense-personal relationship happens when you form a deep emotional attachment to another person, regardless of whether they’re famous or a regular Joe.

You believe you’re truly connected with your idealized person. Sometimes, this intensity reaches the level of worship.

You frequently check on your idols’ (for lack of a better word) social media profiles, and your moods depend on how others treat them. If you see them getting bashed, you get distressed. You might even fight people online to defend your idols.

Borderline-Pathological

This one may be the least common form, but it’s still worth discussing. Why? It’s the most dangerous type.

A borderline-pathological relationship goes beyond typical parasocial desires. Your attachments consume you so much that you become hyperfocused and lead your life based on another.

It influences your thoughts, decisions, and actions. You do what you can to make your (warped) fantasy a reality, even if that can hurt those around you.

The more this persists, the more prone you are to poor and toxic choices. A notorious and extreme example of this is stalking.

The Consequences of Parasocial Relationships

Like most problematic concepts, these relationships have consequences. You can feel serious effects, some of which are the following (but are not limited to):

Toxic behavior

Since you’re hyperfixated on something or someone, you may adopt toxic habits when your source of joy is suddenly cut off.

For example, when a woman you’ve met through Craigslist in Bangkok ghosts you, you’ll (understandably) feel devastated. But instead of trying to move on, you resort to poor coping mechanisms to deal with the pain.

Mental health damage

We’re our own worst critics, and a parasocial relationship can further trigger our judgmental selves as comparison tendencies arise.

Sometimes, you wish you had your idol’s life. In the case of relationships, you might wish you were in the shoes of your person’s current partner. The longer this goes on, the lower your self-esteem (and overall mental health) will be.

Isolation

A parasocial relationship typically starts as a response to loneliness. While you may find temporary bliss in the escapism, that illusion will eventually shatter once reality hits.

You’ll feel lonelier (and regretful) when you realize you haven’t formed meaningful relationships with others.

Media addiction

Let’s say you have a parasocial partner. You keep checking their social media accounts for updates because you want to be the first one to know their whereabouts. If there’s no post or story, consider your day ruined.

That picture is one of addiction and dependency. That relationship shouldn’t be the only thing keeping you occupied.

Relationship problems

As you form one-sided relationships with personas, you neglect to form ones (romantic or not) in the real world. And this becomes a cause for concern.

Your hyperfixation makes everything else become a blur. Other people seemingly don’t matter anymore, and you end up neglecting them.

The thing is, parasocial partners can’t and won’t replace real-life connections. There’s enough room for other people in your life.

Have Healthier Relationships

One-sided relationships with celebrities, fictional characters, or even average people may seem great on the surface. Less complexities, less headaches, and less risk for heartbreak, right?

However, you shouldn’t look to them as a sole source of connection—especially romantic ones.

If you want real love, go out and find it through healthier means. You can go out and meet people in person or go online on dating sites. If you’re up for it, you can even sign up for legitimate matchmaking services like Bangkok Women to find your right partner.

Don’t settle for parasocial relationships when there are better options. You deserve someone who’ll stand by you rather than someone who won’t turn your way. Put your best foot forward by getting out and exploring the dating field.