How to Identify a Gold Digger

They say trust is the foundation of love. Part of your journey towards a long-term and meaningful relationship will be searching for someone you can fully trust and give your heart to.

If you’re a man with significant financial means, then you’ve probably had an experience wherein you wondered if the woman you were dating was really with you for your money. It’s something that people with money deal with when they’re dating someone who doesn’t have the same kind of money that they do— a gold digger.

Some people understand that their partner only wants them for their money and they’re okay with that. They get a partner and their partner gets access to wealth. But let’s be honest, that’s not most people, who instead want a genuine emotional connection, not a transactional one.

To be fair, gold diggers come in all shapes, sizes, and genders, and aren’t simply only women as what we commonly envision them to be. But men looking to date beyond their own neighborhood may find it prudent to be aware of the realities of the world.

So what are the signs of a gold digger and how do you avoid one?

Be keen to observe the following:

The Company They Keep

If you want to know if a lady is looking for a meal ticket instead of a partner, then look at her friends. When it comes to friendships, birds of a feather tend to flock together. So, if all her friends are married to wealthier, older people, then it’s a sign that she’s not looking for love but rather a platinum card.

The Dates They Want

One of the major indicators that a person is only interested in your money is the kind of dates that they want to go on. Does she only want to go on expensive dates to five-star restaurants and balk at the idea of going somewhere more affordable? Does she insist on ordering the most expensive entree on the menu and pairing it only with the most extravagant bottle of wine that the restaurant’s sommelier recommends?

If those scenarios are familiar to you, then chances are that the woman you’re dating only sees your bank account and not your personality. One of the biggest signs that she only wants your money is if she cares only about the experiences that your money can give her.

The Questions They Ask

It’s natural to ask about what a person does for a living when you’re getting to know them. Some people even put their occupations on their online dating profiles.

But there are times when the person that you’re dating is interested in your profession not because they want to get to know you, but because they want to get a rough estimate of your annual compensation because that is all they care about.

It’s one of the most subtle signs of a gold digger and one that many do not notice because of how innocuous it is to inquire about your partner’s occupation.

Check Please

One way to tell if someone’s digging like a prospector during the California Gold Rush is if they’re never the ones to pay. While it is true that the man is traditionally the one who pays, there are many instances wherein the woman pays or at least offers.

If she doesn’t even pretend to reach for the check, or if she just sits back and expects you to handle it, then that’s a sign that she’s going to expect you to pay every bill that comes your way. Sometimes it might be because of ingrained gender roles, but other times it’s because you’re dealing with a gold digger.

Gift Giving

There are five recognized love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts. If she tells you her love language is gifts, that’s not necessarily a red flag, but it’s not exactly a green one either. It’s more yellow than anything else.

If she likes receiving gifts, that’s not necessarily a sign that she’s only in it for your money. Pay attention to how she reacts to the gifts you get her. How does she react when you give her a bouquet of flowers versus an expensive piece of jewelry?

If her reactions to expensive gifts are more pronounced than the ones to thoughtful gifts, then it’s probably because she doesn’t care about the thought you put into it, just the price tag.

Prenup

Catching a gold digger isn’t always easy. Very often, they’re quite skilled at masking their true emotions and pretending to be in love. What you want to do is to get them off balance.

An indication that she’s a gold digger is how she takes it if you propose a prenup. If she’s in it for the money, she’ll want as much of it as possible. Having a prenup that keeps your assets separate and makes it so that you both only walk away with what you brought into the marriage will heavily favor the wealthier party.

If she balks at it, then that’s a sign that she was probably planning to divorce you and get half your stuff. If she does sign it, then that means she’s not planning on ever divorcing you, which would indicate genuine romantic feelings for you. That, or she plans to milk you for all you’re worth.

So however you go about your prenup, understand that it’s a sensitive issue either way and handle it with care.

Homeland

Here’s another way in which someone can be into your resources as opposed to you, especially if your girlfriend or partner is from a foreign country: a green card marriage. If you’re an American man, or if you’re from a Western country, you may be dating someone who sees you as a relatively quick and easy path to citizenship or residency in your country.

And would you know how to spot a gold digger of this sort? By not proposing you move to your country. Instead, indicate that you’d rather live in hers. If she wants you, she’ll be fine with it. If she wants your country, then she’ll probably freak out.

She’ll probably start advocating for moving to your country, talking up the bad parts of hers and taking down the bad parts of yours. If she starts pulling out all the stops to get you to bring her back to your homeland.

However, if she pivots and then makes the adjustments to make sure you stay in the country legally, then it’s a sign that she’s in it for the long haul.

None of this is to say that you shouldn’t be in a relationship with a gold digger. You can have a relationship with one if you want. You just have to reconcile yourself with the nature of the relationship: you have money, so you have her. If the money’s ever gone, then so is she. But she’ll also have to reconcile herself with what she brings to the table—looks and charm.

There aren’t hard and fast rules to dating when money and wealth are involved. Common sense says that if you want to preserve your wealth, you have to stay away from gold diggers.

But you’ll have to trust your wisdom and your heart. And perhaps, in the end, they will win out.