How To Rebuild Trust in a Relationship after an Affair

Do you believe in giving second chances?

If you were betrayed by someone you’ve given all your love to, your answer might be “no.” Perhaps it’s because of pride, unforgiveness, or the fear that they’d do it again.

It’s completely understandable if you choose not to risk your heart for a second time. However, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

It might not be a popular opinion. But many couples who chose to rebuild their relationship after infidelity are proof that there’s hope after a betrayal. More than that, they often experience deeper love and fulfillment in their renewed relationship.

However, second chances don’t come easy.

You need to repair your trust in a relationship, which requires mutual commitment, serious work, and discipline. Otherwise, all your other efforts would go down the drain.

That said, take these steps to help strengthen your decision to remain together.

1. Forgive and Take Responsibility

Rebuilding trust in a relationship requires letting go of your anger and resentment.

Forgive your partner and allow yourself to move past the incident. Then, take responsibility for your faults.

But why, you may ask? Shouldn’t that be your partner’s job after what they did to you?

Taking responsibility doesn’t only apply to the partner who committed infidelity, but to both of you.

For the betrayer, this means proving they’re turning a new leaf.

For those betrayed, this means accepting your partner’s efforts to make amends. It’s also owning up to your shortcomings, which may have led to the deterioration of your relationship even before the infidelity.

2. Cut off the Affair Partner

Completely cut off the affair partner from your lives. This is non-negotiable if you want to move forward in your relationship.

This means the betrayer shouldn’t even maintain a friendship with them. If the affair partner is someone from work, they should ask to get reassigned. If circumstances don’t allow it, they should stick to transactional communications only.

For those betrayed, avoid going after the affair partner or stalking them to make sure nothing’s going on. Also, don’t compare yourself to them. Trust that your partner is a changed person and that they’re making every effort to be faithful.

3. Set New Traditions and Rules

Part of repairing the trust in a relationship is implementing changes to prevent the same issue from happening again. So, agree to form new traditions and rules to live out this daily commitment.

Depending on what triggers the trust issues in your relationship, perhaps you can maintain boundaries between your relationship, work, and friends, inform each other about your activities, and arrange weekly date nights.

You can also set a regular time to talk about your relationship or update each other about your healing progress, decisions, and other concerns.

4. Look Forward, Not Backward

Don’t aim to bring back what your relationship was before their infidelity. Instead, move forward. Look at your partner in a new light, like you’re meeting them for the first time.

Accept that your mistakes and pain are part of your history. Start anew with a clean slate, make new memories, and let your love grow.

However, this doesn’t mean you should forget their fault as if nothing happened. Instead, open your heart to healing and growth, keeping the lessons you’ve learned through the incident.

Begin Again

Some people say it’s outright foolish to maintain your relationship with the one who cheated on you. And you can’t blame them.

It’s hard to rebuild trust in a relationship, let alone imagine continuing to love someone who has hurt you big time.

However, your commitment can help transform you into better and more loving people.

Who knows? Perhaps love is sweeter the second time.