What Is Contra-Dating? How Does It Improve Your Chances?

You’ll always find the same things when you search in the same places. It’s not nuclear physics. It’s plain, simple logic.

The same goes for dating. When you entertain the same “type” of people and find heartbreak one after the other, you can’t expect a new result using the same formula.

Step out of this ineffective dating pattern. Look toward a new approach—contra-dating.

But what is contra-dating, and how can it improve your chances of finding lasting love?

The Trap of the Ideal

Do you have an ideal type? Surely, you do; everyone has one. We love to list all kinds of criteria, from physical and financial to emotional, to help us identify our Mr. or Ms. Right.

All is good. Such ideals encourage you to seek the relationship you truly want based on who you are and what you think works for you. It gives you a good start and direction.

However, avoid using your ideals to find or mold the perfect partner. Zeroing in on whether they meet your top qualities can make you neglect the other aspects of them that are equally or more important in a relationship.

When their age, interests, and educational background weigh more than your connection, you become trapped in a cycle of dating the same person but with different faces.

A New Formula

What is contra-dating? How does this relate to our point about ideals? How can this approach help you find lasting love?

Contra-dating is an invitation to go beyond your comfort zone. In other words, it’s dating people with different hobbies, tastes, or temperaments from yours.

Compatibility doesn’t have to mean you and your partner mirror each other.

Sometimes, you can click with the most unexpected people. They may not necessarily fit your image of your dream partner, but they match your commitment and the intensity of your love.

However, you won’t have a chance to meet them if you stick with the same old formula. This approach to dating pushes you out of your comfort zone. Check out the rest of the neighborhood instead of tending to the old lawn on your side of the fence.

If you’re used to having an active lifestyle, open your doors to a laid-back date whose idea of romance is a good conversation over coffee or a glass of beer.

Or, if you’ve always entertained people from the same career background as you—whether in business, sciences, or the arts—try seeing someone from a field you know nothing about.

Nevertheless, remember that certain factors in a relationship, such as your goals, moral compass, and family values, should remain non-negotiable.

Contra-dating highlights dating outside the box, but only compromise what you can and be on the same page with the most essential parts of your relationship.

Idealism to Reality

Contra-dating allows you to explore your options, but most importantly, it widens your perspective of what the right partner for you looks like. It takes you out of your fantasies and brings you back into reality.

You’ll have a better chance of finding lasting love when you open yourself to the possibilities.